Sam x suicidal reader (Request)

 By Elodie Kohler-Andrianos 

(Request by Ambernightngale, Wattpad)

If you or someone you know suffers from depression and/or suicidal thoughts, call the helpline of your country. A.K.F. (Always Keep Fighting).

Introduction 

It was a rather calm period for the Winchesters. They didn't find a single case for weeks... Sam was sitting at the big table in the library, reading some news on his laptop and sometimes he was taking a 'break' by reading lore books.

Dean was pacing up and down in his room. He was going crazy. He needed some action and fast. He needed, no, wanted fresh air.

He went to the library and told his brother.

- " Sammy,I need to get some fresh air. I'm gonna go to the store to grab some food. You need something?".

- " Okay Dean. Just remember to take some real food." Sam answered, smiling, as he knew his brother was rolling his eyes.

- " Yeah,and rabbit food for you Sammy. Got it.".

He climbed the stairs, opened the heavy door and left.

He was gone for almost an hour and Sam was lost in his reading that he didn't notice anything. He was startled when he heard the heavy door banging. 

- " Sammy, I came back. Brought you your rabbit food... and a little present." Dean said,while climbing down the stairs. 

Sam looked at his brother, puzzled. He didn't understand  what was it all about. 

Dean said: - " Come down here, so Sammy can see you.".

You appeared, with a scared look on your face. Dean took you by the hand and let Sam take care of the matter. 

- " I'll be in my room. If you need anything,you know what to do.". And he left the room. He stooped and quickly turned around. " I brought you your food. I'll leave it in the kitchen.".

Sam nodded and walked towards the scared and confused teenager that you were.

At the store

Dean left the bunker and took his car. He was just happy to be out,he needed to clear his mind. He put his favorite music,turned up the volume and left. 

After a 30 minutes' ride,he arrived in town. He was whistling one of his favorite songs. He found everything that was needed. And of course,he took some pies and some busty asian beauties magazines to keep him company.

He was chatting with the cashier about the latest wrestling match. 

He was kind of happy,he paid for his groceries. 

He was whistling,holding the bags,and then put them in the truck. He slammed the truck door and sat behind the wheel. The way back home started just fine until the old bridge. He saw you standing on the edge of the bridge,ready to jump. 

Dean saw it,braked and rushed out of his car.

He walked towards you and asked what was happening. 

- " Hey. What are you doing? Why do you want to commit suicide?" Dean asked, panting. 

- " I don't have anything to hope for. I'm completely lost in this crazy world. I want to end it,once and for all...".

You were ready to jump but Dean was very fast and grabbed you by the hand and pulled you back.

He told you that you would come with him to the bunker and that his brother Sam would help you. 

You didn't make a fuss,you were so tired of everything. 

When he didn't look,you tried to get away, but unlucky you, Dean was so much faster and stronger than you. He grabbed you and put you in his car and drove back home. He locked the doors so you could jump out the door while speeding.

He tried to speak to you during the remaining of the way back...

- " Very nice talking to you." Dean said, and then parked the car in front of the bunker. 

Sam's help

Sam looked at you,got up and walked towards you.

He was more patient and more soft than Dean was.

You felt more confidence than you felt with Dean. 

- " Hey there. My name's Sam. What's yours?" he said, gently. He pulled back your hair that had fallen over your eyes. He was caring, like he was your big brother.

You wanted to tell him but still,the desire to end it all was very strong...

You waited for the right moment. 

The younger Winchester asked you about your family. You told him about your parents.

- " My parents weren't great. My father was an alcoholic who was almost never home and my mother wasn't a great help either." you said, looking at your shoes. You looked at him and you felt tears rolling down your cheeks. You dried them with your hand and continued. 

" She used to beat me up and she always diminished me. She blamed me for the death of my little sister....Maybe it is. I was the big sister,I was supposed to watch her".

Sam looked at you and felt so sorry for you and he wanted to comfort you. 

- " How old were you when this happened?" Sam asked, he was kneeling before you. 

- " I was 10. It put me so down, it still does. I want to end my suffering. I tried cutting my veins,I tried drowning. Your brother saved me from jumping from the big bridge...".

You took a deep breath and shivered. Sam looked at you, worried.

- " Our mother left for a few minutes to buy some medicine. We were outside,it was summer. We were playing by the neighbor's pool. At one time it was too hot and I decided to go get something cold to drink. I told her to come with me but she didn't follow me. I didn't pay attention to her... until I heard our mother scream.... I only left for one minute and she was dead". 

Your sister,as she was waiting for you to come back with refreshments,was on the neighbor's lawn and was playing with the butterflies when the nightmare occurred... She was so small that the neighbor didn't see her and he rolled her over...

You stayed silent and you thought Sam would have screamed at you or even hit you... But he just looked at you and then he hugged you.

- " How could you have guessed he would leave at this exact time? You left not even for two minutes... You poor thing...". He stood up and asked you if you wanted something to drink.

You nodded and he took your hand. You both sat down and he looked at you silently as you were drinking. 

You thanked him and told him you needed to go to the ladies' room, to freshen up. He told you where to go.

You thanked him and left. 

Dean came out of his room to grab more beers. He saw Sam and asked him about you. 

- " How'd it go?" Dean asked, showing the now empty glass. He opened the fridge for more refreshments. 

- " Eerrm It-- it was very sad. She ---she left to freshen up...

Did you pass her by on your way?".

Dean closed the door and turned around to look at his brother. 

- " Did she leave a long time ago? Son of a bitch!!" he screamed. He put the beers on the table and both brothers ran to find you.

You locked the door and you were looking for razor blades. Which you didn't find. So you tried looking into the pharmacy box and you opened the mirror-door.

You found some pills,you reached out to grab the small bottle when you heard loud banging on the door and the Winchesters' voices.

You tried to open the bottle but your hands were sweaty and the bottle fell on the floor. The brothers broke the door and entered the room. 

They escorted you back to the kitchen and made you seat down. 

- " Why'd you try to do it? So much you wanna end it all?" Dean asked,his green eyes locked on yours. " Don't cha have anything to hold on to?".

Both brothers tried to change your mind. They wanted you to reconsider, to live. Yes,it would be hard but tou had to try. For your sister. 

- " Do---do you think that your sister would've wanted this? She'd have wanted you to live. I'm sure that's what she'd tell you." Sam said,after  clearing his throat. 

You looked at both brothers and you tried to process everything they said. It had been four years since your sister died...

- " Just try to live for yourself, try for your sis. She would be 'alive' through your memories. She'll live in you. I know that's what Dean would have wanted for me if this would have happened. And vice versa.".

You looked at Sam and then at Dean,and he shook his head affirmatively. 

You swallowed with difficulty. You promised them you would try your best. They said they had a very good friend in Siouxfalls who could help you.

Sam called Jody Mills and asked her if she could help you and she accepted right away. All you had to do was waiting for her to come.